Supporting a terminally ill loved one - Mayo Clinic

How will you deal with your grief? Get the facts about supporting a loved one who is terminally ill. My loved one has been diagnosed with a terminal illness. COVID-19:Advice,updatesandvaccineoptions FindoutaboutCOVID-19,COVID-19vaccines,andMayoClinicpatientandvisitorupdates. Skiptositenavigation SkiptoContent ThiscontentdoesnothaveanEnglishversion. ThiscontentdoesnothaveanArabicversion. 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Mylovedonehasbeendiagnosedwithaterminalillness.Howwillourrelationshipchange? Yourrelationshipmightnotchange.Ifyou'reconcerned,buildonyourrelationship'sstrengths.Also,stayopentonewpossibilities.Thediagnosismightimproveyourrelationship. Rememberthatthisperson'sneedsanddesireslikelyhaven'tchanged.Manypeoplefacingaterminalillnesswanttobetreatedasnormallyaspossible. HowcanIhelpmylovedonecopewithaterminalillness? Letthepersonknowthatyou'rewillingtolisten—andneverunderestimatethevalueofyourpresence.Evenifitfeelsasifyou'renotdoinganything,yourpresencesendsanimportantmessage.Don't,however,trytoreplaceatrainedcounselor. Isthereatypicalemotionalprocessthatapersonwhohasaterminalillnessexperiences? Don'tassumethatthepersonwillgothroughamethodicalprocessofcomingtotermswithdeath.Themostdesirableoutcomemightbethatyourlovedonelearnstoliveasfullyaspossiblewhileacceptingthepresenceofaterminalillness.Butdoesyourlovedonehavetoaccepthavingaterminalillness?No.There'snorightorwrongwaytocometotermswithdeath. Howdoyouhelpalovedonewho'sindenialabouthisorherimpendingdeath? Denialisacopingmechanism.Yourlovedonemightbeindenialbecauserealityistoofrightening,toooverwhelming,ortoomuchofathreattotheirsenseofcontrol.Thepersonmightbeafraidofpainorlosingcontroloftheirbodilyfunctionsormind.Theymightalsofearfailingfamilyorbecomingaburden. Denialcanallowapersontoletrealityinbitbybitandcontinuelivingwhilecontemplatingdeath.Aslongasdenialisn'tcausingsignificantharm—suchasbycausingthepersontoseekoutpainfultreatmentsofnotherapeuticvalue—thenitisn'tnecessarilybad. Toprovideemotionalandspiritualsupport,inviteyourlovedonetotalkabouttheirfears.Sometimes,however,it'seasierforadyingpersontosharefearswithaspiritualcounselor. Whenisdenialharmful? Ifdenialisinterferingwithadyingperson'snecessarytasks,youmightneedtotakeaction.If,forexample,asingleparent'sdenialoftheirillnessisgettinginthewayofplanningfuturecareforachild,itmightbenecessarytointervene.Seekthehelpofaprofessionalwithexpertiseinthecareofthedying,suchasahospicespecialist,palliativecarenurse,doctororsocialworker. Clergymayalsobeabletohelpifreligionisimportanttotheperson. WhatelsecanIdoformylovedone? Encourageyourlovedonetotalkabouttheirlife.Youmightbeamazedatthestoriestheyhavetoshare.Talkingaboutmemoriescanalsohelpaffirmthattheperson'slifematteredandthattheywillberemembered. Isitimportanttokeepavigilbymylovedonewhenheorsheisneardeath? Askyourlovedonewhattheywant.Mostpeoplewishtodiewithfamilynearby,butothersmightprefertogoprivately.Keepingavigilcanbeasacredexperienceandgiveadyingpersonstrengthandcomfort.Itcanalsohelpyouensurethattheirpainandsymptomsareaddressedandthattheyhaveaccesstospiritualresources. Remember,however,thatyourconstant,physicalpresenceisn'trequired.Ifyoukeepavigil,takebreaks,drinkplentyoffluids,eatbalancedmealsandacceptsupportfromothers.Also,understandthatyoumightnotbeatyourlovedone'ssidewhentheydie.Thistimingisbeyondyourcontrol. Isitappropriatetotellyourlovedonethatit'sallrighttoletgo? Sometimesitmightappearthatapersonishavingtroublelettinggo.Ifyouthinkthepersonishangingonforyoursake,it'sOKtosaythatyou'llbeallrightandthattheycanletgo. Whatadvicedoyouhaveforpeoplewhoaregrieving? Griefisanaturalresponsetolovingandfeelinglossthatoftencomesinwaves.Emotionscanfeeloverwhelming,makingevensimpletasksdifficult.Thisisnormal.Itdoesn'tmeanthatyouwon'tbeabletofunctionfortherestofyourlife.Griefalsodoesn'tnecessarilybeginwhenapersondies.Itmightstartasaperson'sillnessprogressesornormalroleschange. Ifyou'reconcernedthatyou'reunabletostopgrievingandit'saffectingyourabilitytofunction,seekprofessionalhelp. Whatdoyoutellpeoplewhoarestrugglingwithguilt? Afteryourlovedonedies,youmightquestionwhetheryoudidenoughorsaidtherightthings.Guiltisanormalpartofgrievingbutitoftengraduallyfades.Ifyou'rehavingtroubledealingwithguilt,talktosomeonewhocanhelpyouworkthroughyourfeelings.   Thereisaproblemwith informationsubmittedforthisrequest.Review/updatethe informationhighlightedbelowandresubmittheform. FromMayoClinictoyourinbox Signupforfree,andstayuptodateonresearchadvancements,healthtipsandcurrenthealthtopics,likeCOVID-19,plusexpertiseonmanaginghealth. Email ErrorEmailfieldisrequired ErrorIncludeavalidemailaddress LearnmoreaboutMayoClinic’suseofdata. Toprovideyouwiththemostrelevantandhelpfulinformation,andunderstandwhich informationisbeneficial,wemaycombineyouremailandwebsiteusageinformationwith otherinformationwehaveaboutyou.IfyouareaMayoClinicpatient,thiscould includeprotectedhealthinformation.Ifwecombinethisinformationwithyourprotected healthinformation,wewilltreatallofthatinformationasprotectedhealth informationandwillonlyuseordisclosethatinformationassetforthinournoticeof privacypractices.Youmayopt-outofemailcommunicationsatanytimebyclickingon theunsubscribelinkinthee-mail. Subscribe! Thankyouforsubscribing OurHousecalle-newsletterwillkeepyouup-to-dateonthelatesthealthinformation. Sorrysomethingwentwrongwithyoursubscription Please,tryagaininacoupleofminutes Retry ShareTweet Nov.24,2020 Showreferences Providingcomfortattheendoflife.NationalInstituteonAging.https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/providing-comfort-end-life.AccessedOct.14,2018. Advancedillness:Holdingonandlettinggo.FamilyCaregiverAlliance.https://www.caregiver.org/advanced-illness-holding-on-letting-go.AccessedOct.14,2018. Griefandloss.FamilyCaregiverAlliance.https://www.caregiver.org/grief-and-loss.AccessedOct.14,2018. RosenblattL,etal.Psychosocialissuesinadvancedillness.https://www.uptodate.com/contents/search.AccessedOct.14,2018. Comfortcare.NationalHospiceandPalliativeCareOrganization.http://www.caringinfo.org/i4a/pages/index.cfm?pageid=3333.AccessedOct.14,2018. Offeringspiritualsupportforfamilyorfriends.NationalHospiceandPalliativeCareOrganization.http://www.caringinfo.org/i4a/pages/index.cfm?pageid=3406.AccessedOct.14,2018. BailyFA,etal.Palliativecare:Thelasthoursanddaysoflife.https://www.uptodate.com/contents/search.AccessedOct.14,2018. KwanCWM,etal.Theuseoflifereviewtoenhancespiritualwell-beinginpatientswithterminalillnesses:Anintegrativereview.JournalofClinicalNursing.2017;26:4201. SternTA,etal.Psychiatricandethicalaspectsofcareattheendoflife.MassachusettsGeneralHospitalComprehensiveClinicalPsychiatry.2nded.Philadelphia,Pa.:Elsevier;2016.https://www.clinicalkey.com.AccessedOct.14,2018. ChenJ,etal.Theeffectsofspiritualcareonqualityoflifeandspiritualwell-beingamongpatientswithterminalillness:Asystematicreview.PalliativeMedicine.2018;32:1167. TakahashiPY(expertopinion).MayoClinic,Rochester,Minn.Oct.27,2018. SeemoreIn-depth SeealsoHomecareservicesHospiceCareLivingwills Advertisement MayoClinicdoesnotendorsecompaniesorproducts.Advertisingrevenuesupportsournot-for-profitmission. Advertising&Sponsorship Policy Opportunities AdChoices MayoClinicPress Checkoutthesebest-sellersandspecialoffersonbooksandnewslettersfromMayoClinicPress. 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