Finding out you are dying | Cancer Research UK

When cancer is advanced, it means that it can't be cured. Doctors might also say that the illness is terminal. This means that it is likely to ... Skiptomaincontent HomeAboutcancerCopingwithcancerDyingwithcancerCopingwiththenewsthatyouaredyingFindingoutyouaredying Whencancerisadvanced,itmeansthatitcan'tbecured.Doctorsmightalsosaythattheillnessisterminal.Thismeansthatitislikelytocausedeathwithinalimitedperiod. Howlongisdifficulttopredict,butitcouldbeweekstoseveralmonths. Thisupsettingnewscanaffectyouandthepeopleclosetoyoudifferently.  YourfirstreactionsThereisnorightorwrongwaytoreactwhenyourdoctortellsyouyourcanceristooadvancedtocure.Everyonerespondsintheirway.Ofcourse,formostofus,thisisveryshockingnews,anditcanbehardtobear.Evenifyouthoughtitmighthappen,actuallyhearingitfromyourdoctorcanstillbeextremelyupsetting. Somepeoplegosilent.Theycan'tbelievewhattheyarehearingandtheydon’tknowwhattosayordo.Othersstarttocryandfeelasthoughtheywon’tbeabletostop.Somepeoplebecomeangryandscared.Ortheyfeelnumb,asthoughtheyhavenoemotions.Theseareallverycommonandnaturalreactions.  Youmightfindthatquestions likethefollowingcomeintoyourmind: Whyme?DoIdeservethis?Whycan'tyoufindatreatmenttohelpme?Theremustbesomethingthatwillstopthiscancer-can'tyoujusttryanything? Giveyourselfthetimetotakeinwhatishappening.Youmightwanttobeonyourown.Oryoumightneedtospendtimewithyourpartner,familyorfriends,tohelpyoudealwiththenews. Ofcourse,they arealsolikelytobeveryupset.Theymightnotknowwhattosay.Butevenifallyoucandoatfirstisgetupsettogether,thatcanbeahugehelp.Ifyoudon’tfeelliketalkingstraightaway,youdon’thaveto.Justletthepeoplearoundyouknow. Ashardasitcanbe,trynottopushyouremotionsasidecompletely.Atsomepoint,it’sbettertoexpresshowyoufeelifyoucanmanageit,evenifit's uncomfortableandhardtocopewith. HowyoumightfeelOverthefirstfewdays,youcouldfeelalotofverystrongemotions.Thenyoumightfindtheychangeveryquickly.Sometimestheseemotionscanfeeloverwhelming.Thenewswillmeanthatyoucan’tplanyourfutureinthewayyouhadhoped.Dyingcouldmeanleavingbehindapartner,childrenandotherimportantpeopleinyourlife.Youmightwonderhowtheywillcope.Andyouwon'twanttoseethemupset. Thesethoughtsmightbetoopainfultocopewithattimes.Youmightbeunabletostopcryingandworrying.Oryoumightfeelthatthereisnopointindoinganything.Youmightalsofinditdifficulttoseelifegoingonasnormalformostpeople.Itcanfeelverystrangetowatchpeoplegoabouttheirdailylives,doshopping,drive,andwork. Allthisisperfectlynormalandunderstandable.Copingwiththisrollercoasteroffeelingscanbeexhausting. Mostpeoplewillhavesomeoralloftheseemotions.Thisusuallychangesgradually.Manypeoplesaythattheintensityanddistresslessenintime.Thisdoesn’tmeanthatyoustopworryingorfeelingupset.Butthefeelingsgetmorebearable.Youmight beabletothinkaboutyoursituationalittlemorecalmlyandplanwhatyouwanttodo. Readmoreaboutmakingplans TalkingaboutyourfeelingsSharingyourfearsandsadnesswithpeopleyouloveandtrustmightbeagreatreliefforyou.Manypeoplesaythattalkingabouttheirfeelingshelpsthemtocope.Italsohelpsyourfriendsandfamilytounderstandmoreaboutyoursituation.Inturn,thiscanmakeiteasierforthemtohelpandsupportyou. Oryoumightfindsharingyourthoughtsandemotionstoodifficult,andyoumightprefertokeepthingstoyourself.It’simportanttodowhateverfeelsbestforyou.Don’tletotherpeoplepressureyouintotalkingifyoudon’tfeelready.Thisisaverypersonal,emotionaltime.Youcanchoosehowyouhandlethings.Butifyouwouldliketotalk,makesureyouchoosepeopleyoucantalktoeasilyandwhowillbeabletosupportyou. Ifyoustillfeeloverwhelmedaftersometimeandfeelthatyoucan’tcope,tryspeakingtosomeoneoutsideyourimmediatefamilyandfriends.Youmightwanttotrysomecounselling.Also,variousorganisationscangiveyouinformationaboutcopingwithgrief,terminalillnessanddyingwithcancer. ResourcesandsupportwhensomeoneisdyingReadmoreaboutcounselling StayinghopefulItcanhelppeoplenearingtheendoftheirlife,andthoseclosetothem,tobe awareofwhatislikelytohappen.Butonlyiftheywanttoknowthis. Everyoneneedstohavesomesenseofhopefortheirfuture.Whenyouaredying,thishopecouldbethatyoucanvisitaplacethatyoulove.Oryoumighthopethatyoucanenjoybeingwithyourfamilyandfriendsforatime. Somepeoplebelievethatthereislifeafterdeathandfindthatthisgivesthemhope.Itcouldhelpyoutoshareyourhopeswithotherpeople,sotheycanhelpyoufulfilthem.Manypeoplehopeforcomfort,dignity,friendshipandlovetosurroundthemintheirfinaldays. Readmoreonhowtocopewiththenewsthatyouaredying Relatedcontent Relatedlinks Otherpeople Supportingchildren Talkingaboutdying Makingplans Copingwithcancer Coronavirusandcancer Weknowit’saworryingtimeforpeoplewithcancer,wehaveinformationtohelp. Moreinformation Relatedlinks Otherpeople Whenotherpeoplefindoutyou'redying,itcanhelptoknowhowtheymightreactandhowyoucantalktothemaboutthis. Supportingchildren Childrenofallageswillprobablyneedalotofsupportwhensomeoneclosetothemisdying.Itcanhelptoknowwhattheymightaskandneed. Talkingaboutdying Talkingaboutdyingcanbeverydifficultandpeopleoftenavoidthesubject.Butsharingyourfeelingscanhelpeveryoneinvolvedtocopebetter.  Makingplans Inthelastfewweeksyoucouldhavequestionsaboutwhatwillhappen.Youmay alsowanttomakedecisionsaboutyourneedsbeforeyoudieandafterwards. Copingwithcancer Copingwithcancercanbedifficult.Thereishelpandsupportavailable.Findoutabouttheemotional,physicalandpracticaleffectsofcancerandhowtomanagethem.  AboutCancergenerouslysupportedbyDangoorEducationsince2010. Findaclinicaltrial SearchourclinicaltrialsdatabaseforallcancertrialsandstudiesrecruitingintheUK CancerChatforum Talktootherpeopleaffectedbycancer Nursehelpline08088004040 Questionsaboutcancer?Callfreephone9to5MondaytoFridayoremailus