Coping with a terminal illness - - - End of life care - NHS

There's no right or wrong way to feel when you're told you have a terminal illness – a health condition that you'll most likely die from. Skiptomaincontent Home HealthAtoZ Endoflifecare Backto Endoflifecare Copingwithaterminalillness - Endoflifecare Secondarynavigation Whatisendoflifecare? Whatendoflifecareinvolves Whattoexpectfromendoflifecare Whereyoucanbecaredfor Careathome Careinacarehome Beingcaredforinhospital Hospicecare Copingfinancially NHScontinuinghealthcare Planningahead Whyplanahead Advancestatementaboutyourwishes Advancedecision:livingwill Lastingpowerofattorney Yourwellbeing Copingwithaterminalillness Managingpainandothersymptoms Startingtotalkaboutyourillness Changesinthelasthoursanddays Withdrawingtreatment There'snorightorwrongwaytofeelwhenyou'retoldyouhaveaterminalillness–ahealthconditionthatyou'llmostlikelydiefrom.Youmightfeelnumbatfirst,andunabletotakeinthenews,orfeelcalmandmatter-of-factaboutdying. YourfeelingsAstimepasses,youmayexperiencearangeofemotions.It'snormaltofeelsomeorallofthefollowing:shockfearangerresentmentdenialhelplessnesssadnessfrustrationreliefacceptanceYoumayalsofeelisolatedandalone,evenifyouhavefamilyandfriendsaroundyou.Youmightnotexperienceallofthesefeelingsand,ifyoudo,they'llnotnecessarilycomeinanyparticularorder.Whateveryoufeel,youdonothavetogothroughitalone. GettingyourdiagnosisHearingthatyourillnesscannotbecuredcanbeafrighteningexperience.Manypeoplewillbeunabletotakeeverythingin.Ifyou'realoneintheconsultation,askifyoucanbringarelativeorfriendintoheareverythingthedoctorhastosay.Youmayneedtoaskforafollow-upappointmentsothatsomeonecanbewithyou.Askthedoctorwhatsupportisavailabletoyou.Theymayreferyouforadditionalspecialistpalliativecarealongsidethecareyou'realreadyreceiving.AGPwillalsoknowofanylocalsourcesofsupport.GetintouchwithaGPtoexplainwhat'shappenedandaskwhathelpisavailablenearyou.Thismayinclude:informationservicesaboutyourillnessfinancialbenefitsyoumaybeentitledtosupportgroupsandcounsellingTheDyingMatterswebsiteprovidesarangeofresourcesforpeopleaffectedbyterminalillnessesaswellasanonlinecommunity. FindsomeonetotalktoNoteveryonewantstotalkaboutwhatthey'regoingthrough.However,aterminal(sometimescalledlife-limiting)diagnosiscanbringupworriesandfears,anditcanhelptotalkaboutthesesotheydonotstarttofeelimpossibletodealwith.Family,friendsandhealthprofessionalsYoumightwanttotalktoyourpartner,family,orfriends,ortoadoctor,nurse,counsellor,orreligiousminister.Peopleclosetoyouwillbedealingwiththeirownfeelingsaboutyourdiagnosis.Ifyouortheyarefindingithardtotalkaboutit,youmightwanttotalktosomeonewhoisnotasclosetoyou,likeacounsellor.Yourdoctorornursecanhelpyoufindacounsellor.Youcanalsosearchonlinetofindservicesinyourarea.Itcanbeusefultohavesomeonetotalktoatnight-timeifyoucannotsleep.Makesurethere'ssomeoneyoucanring(afriend,relativeortheSamaritans),butalsorecognisethatyoudonothavetolieinthedarkandtrytosleep.Youcanturnonthelightanddosomethingelse. QuestionsandworriesaboutyourfutureKnowingthatyouhavealife-limitingconditionleavesyoulivingwithuncertainty.You'llprobablyhavequestionswithnodefiniteanswers,suchas:howandwhenyourbodyisgoingtochangetheeffectthiswillhaveonyourindependenceandrelationshipswhatwillhappenatworkexactlyhowmuchtimeyouhaveleftNotknowingexactlywhat'sgoingtohappentoyoucanfeeloverwhelmingandupsetting.It'snormaltofeellikethis,anditmightbehelpfultotalkwithotherswhoareinasimilarsituation,andhearhowtheycopewiththesefeelings.Askyourdoctorornurseaboutlocalsupportgroupsforpeoplewhoarelivingwithalife-limitingillness,orforpeoplewhohavethesameconditionasyou.Manyspecialistcharitiesoffersupportthroughlocalgroups,emailcontact,phonelinesandwebforums.Forexample,MarieCuriehasanonlinecommunity.healthtalk.orghasvideosandwritteninterviewsofpeopletalkingabouttheirfeelingswhentoldtheyhadalife-limitingillnessandtheiremotionsinthefollowingweeksandmonths.Theyalsohavevideosofpeoplereflectingonthepositiveaspectsofknowingthey'reapproachingtheendoflifeandtalkingabouthowtheirreligion,faithorphilosophyhelpsthem. Ifyouthinkyou'redepressedIt'snormaltofeelshock,sadness,angerandhelplessness.Butforsomepeople,thefeelingthey'reunabletocopewiththeirsituationdoesnotgoaway,andtheyfeeltoolowtobeabletodoanyofthethingstheywantto.Ifthishappenstoyouandthesefeelingspersist,itmaybehelpfultotalktoadoctor.Medicinecanhelp,andcounsellingorcognitivebehaviouraltherapy(CBT)canmakeadifferencetohowyou'recoping. LivingwithdyingOnestepatatimeWhatyou'redealingwithcanfeeloverwhelming,butyoumaybeabletomakeitfeellesssobythinkingaboutitassmaller"pieces".Takeonedayatatime,oroneweekatatime.Decideonsomesmall,achievablegoals,sothatyougainconfidence–forexampleputtingfamilyphotosintoanalbum,orvisitingafriend.Youcanstillthinkaboutbiggerissues,suchaswhereyouwouldliketoreceiveyourcareinthefuture,buttrynottofeelthatyouhavetotackleeverythingatonce.WritedownyourworriesSomepeoplefeelhelplessandthateverythingisoutofcontrol.Writingdownworriesandquestionscanhelpyoudecidewhat'simportanttoyouandhowtotackleit.Ifyouwant,youcanusewhatyou'vewrittentohelpyoutalkaboutthingswithyourfamily,friendsandcarers.LookafteryourselfTrytotakesometimetodothingsyouenjoy.Complementarytherapies,suchasmassageandaromatherapy,mayhelpyoufeelbetter.Itmayhelpthepeopleclosetoyouiftheyknowyou'relookingafteryourself.Theremaybethingsthatyoucandotogether.Acceptoffersofhelpfromfriendsandfamily,andgivespecificexamplesofsupportyouneedandwouldlike.Forexample,takingyoushopping,bringingyoumealstoputinthefreezer,ordrivingyoutoappointments. Findyourlocalservicespalliativecarepainmanagementendoflifehospiceservices Pagelastreviewed:16June2020 Nextreviewdue:16June2023